Standing up to Online Abuse with the Mumbai Police, A Cyber Crime Tale.

Social media. Quite an inseparable part of life for most of us these days. Right from teenage madness like pouts and duck faces to a new world of pictures before meals, family moments of fun and celebration to genuine benefits for small businesses; social media has slowly and steadily made inroads into our daily activities like never before.

And I am more than glad. Be it networking, keeping in touch, garnering support for my social activities, or even just for fun, no matter what; social media has always done me well rather than harm. But I must say, using it comes with its perils. Unfortunately, as a woman, you’re not safe, even when all you’re doing is tapping a few keys to mind your own business. The veil of anonymity makes some sick-minded people believe they can get away with anything because no one will ever find out. And no one will bother enough to get to the bottom of their cheap incidents of online abuse. Yes, I will use the term ‘abuse’ because that’s exactly what it is. Just because it is not physical, and it doesn’t leave scars on my body, does not mean it isn’t abuse. Messing with a girl online is just as traumatic to her, and just as sick on the part of the perpetrators.

I’ve faced it, suffered, fought back, faced a bit of trouble there, but eventually ended matters how they should have. I ended up fighting for and helping the Mumbai Police solve their first ever Instagram Cyber Crime case, within months. While it was quite a trauma when it happened, in retrospect, I feel I have done by bit and the Mumbai Police have done right by me too. 

Before I begin, I should let you know that I love photography, and am a very regular user of Instagram, a social network for images. So much so, that if I really want to upload a picture I like on Instagram, and don’t have a phone, I will have no qualms taking a close friend’s phone and uploading the picture from his or her profile.

That’s just what happened. I didn’t have my phone for a while and had been using a friend’s phone. And when I did get my phone back, I went on to check my Instagram notifications.

I had a comment on one of my pictures, from @babu362436 -

Happy at the thought of seeing another nice picture, I opened my Inbox, only to find this:

Sort of shook me up! Because I had no clue what was happening. I had nothing to do with this person, this profile, the girlfriend being mentioned, anyone or anything.

In a bid to clear out any misunderstandings, make sure my friend got no grief over it, I explained what had happened, and even apologised, though I hadn’t done anything that warranted one. Then I blocked the profile because I didn’t want any more stress.

Turns out, it was not enough. Someone at the other end was hell-bent on giving me grief.

In the next few minutes I got this message from @babuagain26

That was not all. This time, in addition to the direct message, I was also hit by an avalanche of comments on my pictures.

 I blocked that profile too, but was worried now. And so was my friend.

As I was about to show him the direct message, there was another direct message and a slew of horrendous, abusive comments from @sahasay.

And that was it. I had had enough. And I wanted to get behind all of this. Like any normal girl would do, I approached a couple of guy friends and asked if they would help out. But they surprised me even more. According to them, ‘Let it go! You find such people at everywhere, it’s just how some people are’, ‘The world is filled with such people ‘, ‘Frustrated hoga behaara, maaf karde, kayko pange lene hai’, ‘Bas gaali diya na instagram pe? Mila vila nai na? Itna kya gunah kiya? , ‘Guys abuse generally, what’s so offensive about that?’

Yeah right! Because no one abused me physically, or maybe because I wasn’t their mother or sister or wife, my problem didn’t matter. And even if it did, it mattered only enough to hear me out once, and avoid the rest of my calls forever. Well, whatever it was, be it their indifference, ego, or carelessness; all it really did was add fuel to the fire and make me all the more determined to not take this incident lying down. At one level, I also reached a stage where I began wondering if the person making my life miserable was actually one of them, some friend I held close. It was a terrible thought, and I hated myself for thinking that way, but considering the indifference I felt from some of those I considered friends, I couldn’t help but look at that possibility as well. And it was difficult dealing with that distrust.

I took to Twitter for help, and luckily for me, two absolutely random strangers came forward to help me, when my own friends had left me in the lurch. They helped me out with the address and numbers of the I.T. cell of the Mumbai Police, the procedure to lodge a Cyber Crime FIR, etc.

My travails of lodging a complaint began with a visit to the MIDC police station. Indifference, lethargy, absolute disinterest in my problem, no clue what Instagram is, common belief that all social networks were Facebook, and a trying time while explaining how Instagram works, the nature of the harassment caused to me; were what characterized my visit. Until, I met Inspector Dhumale. He heard me out, got all the details of the case and suggested that I reach out the Cyber Crime Office. He called them up about my case, and I left with my friends to meet ACP More at the Cyber Crime Office in BKC.

When we reached the office, it was nothing like we thought it was be. It was a very simple office. There were no gadgets, no state of the art computers; nothing except the signboard would make you realise that it was the Cyber Crime Office. ACP More was not in office and I was asked to meet Lady Constable Lata More. She was not aware of Instagram either. I sat down and explained and submitted all the screen grabs necessary along with profile URLS. They told me it could be someone I knew. I asked how long it would take for me to find out, she told me to wait and keep mum about the case.

This was the 28th and 29th of May 2014.

After a long, arduous wait, I was called to meet ACP More on 22^nd July 2014. He asked me if I knew anyone from Rajkot because apparently they had figured out something about the person harassing me.

On the 7^th of August, as I was getting ready to leave for work I got a few messages from @aditya24242:

It was HIM!

And what a change in language! I called the Cyber Crime cell and after a while, was called there because the person responsible for all this uncalled for drama and trauma had come down there.

I left immediately with my friends in tow for moral support and also because they believed I was doing the right thing. Upon reaching, this is what baffled me:

·         The guy whose original profile I could see now, was married, had a kid and was a regular Instagrammer, just like me. Abusers don’t look any different from regular folks.

·         The place buzzing with people, what I assumed was just was a rather busy day at the Cyber Crime cell, actually turned out to be the lawyers of this person. He claimed to be innocent, yet came with a bunch of Lawyers in tow.

·         Of all the things possible, the one instruction that the police deemed necessary to give me was that I shouldn’t hit the person. Imagine, Cops telling me NOT to Hit back at my abuser.

·         Never would I have imagined that the decent-looking, suited-booted gentleman, sitting in front of me was the same person who sent me all those abusive texts. I had actually expected he would be a teenager, frustrated by raging hormones, mixed emotions, with no one to support him as he dealt with them. Appearances  mean jack - it isn’t always some hormonal teen, it could very well be that sober looking gentleman with a child.

And the guy was crying, shameful, ready with a list of explanations for his behaviour, apparently very remorseful, and ready to offer a donation to my NGO (which I vehemently refused because I did not want him to have anything to do with me). I could never and would never forgive him. I told him that, and it probably hurt him a little more. But I didn’t care. I started out and told him everything I needed to, in order to vent out. In the end, though I felt really terrible doing it, I let him go. Because it wasn’t him I saw, it wasn’t his lame excuse of depression after a hernia operation which he mentioned a zillion times I heard, it wasn’t his apology that i believed or accepted; all I really saw was his wife and kid, and what they would go through if we decided to pursue the case, go to court and battle it out. His child didn’t deserve to suffer for his crimes, and clearly he would if I made them public. Being a teacher, and being passionate about moulding young minds into happy, considerate human beings, my sly tormentor clearly played his cards well.
I left him, but not without a few questions he had no answers to:

·         If he was a married man, who spent all his time with his wife and family, how did he find time to send me those messages between 10:00 to 11:00 in the night?

·         If he was depressed about the hernia operation, and mentally tortured, how did he have the presence of mind to make three different profiles and abuse me? Surely that isn’t the way a novice would work, and clearly, it was a planned harassment and not a spontaneous overreaction. What was his explanation?

·         If he really was sorry about his actions after committing them, why did he not apologise to me on his own? I swear I would have let it go. But no.!He waited till he got a call and a letter from the police. Then do I have even one good reason to believe that his apology is genuine? And that he will not be a sadistic jerk and joke about this later? 

·         He told me to think of his wife and child, and let him go. Did he think of them when he was indulging in acts that would shame them and him? Did he think how his son would feel to have a father who abuses 25 year-olds he doesn’t even know?

·         If he was, as he claimed, just another regular 38-year old guy, living his life, why and how did that life involve harassing a young girl on a public platform, for no rhyme or reason?

Frankly, I don’t give a damn about his answers, because I know he doesn’t have them. Let him grapple in misery, looking for them, and living life under the guilt of a shameful act he will not be forgiven for on earth, at least.

 Another very important point I would like to make is that have faith on the police. I agree, at times, our experiences might not be pleasant, they may not live up to our expectations; but believe me, not all are like that. For each one that makes you lose hope, there is one who will take you seriously and go out of his way and beyond the call of his duty to help you out. Wait till that happens, because eventually it will. I am genuinely grateful to the following members of the police force for helping me out - Inspector Dhumale, ACP Nandakishore More, Senior Police Inspector Prashant Marde, Lady Constable Lata More, the MIDC Police & the BKC Cyber Police team.

Of-course, this wouldn’t have been possible without the strong support of my personal cheer squad. So thank you Mom, Baba, Deepak Krishnamurthi, Pooja Sahni, Vikas Shukla, Dhiraj Krishnamurthi, Bryan, Mustansir Gilitwala, Ranjeet Walunj, Rashi V and most importantly Priyanka Kulkarni for all the help too!

As far as I am concerned, I am happy I stood up for myself and filled with thankfulness to everyone who helped me to not give up mid-way. Even though the punishment wasn’t as bad as it should have been, I feel I have done my bit by fighting it out, the right way. And while at it, this has become the the first ever Cyber Crime case in Mumbai, involving Instagram. I wouldn’t wish it for anyone, but next time someone needs help with being harassed online, at least they will hopefully not have to begin with explaining what Instagram is!

( The screen grabs are just a few of the messages sent by him to me. I held back many since they were so abusive in nature that even blackening out the cuss words wouldn't help)